April 6

I visited my parents yesterday and as I lay on the couch with my cat I realized I had made a choice - had picked this one over that and the choice was not even an active choice as in I pick you and not you. It was a total accident. Well of course not total but to get the whole picture you need to get the whole picture. Which, naturally, will take us to the beginning.
I met this rabbit. Well I very nearly stepped on her but knowing rabbits as I do I realize this would never have happened. I was walking toward my house with my then boyfriend and he said something along the lines of 'Well look at that' and I did and there was this rabbit. Stretched out all casual like with the toes of her hind feet pointed straight behind her. Now of course I wanted to pet her but she wasn't particularly interested in that. But I didn't believe she was completely uninterested either. So I decided an offering of food was in order and came back with a fitting treat of some sort. Which she accepted. And thus began my relationship with this rabbit.
The relationship with the boyfriend has since discontinued. Maybe it's more apt to say it no longer exists in the original design. No. No I'll tell the truth. I think our last encounter completely severed any vestige of a relationship. I won't thrash out the details but I will say this much. I really really hate it when I am held accountable but not given the nature of that particular transgression until a much later date. Much later. So, if I do anything ontoward please please tell me up front. Don't harbor and don't use it as a weapon at an inappropriate time. That would be the proverbial straw and let me tell you children I broke.
He'll be a part of this of course. He's woven throughout the story for at least a year. And, I thought I'd marry him. That's how important he was. I was looking toward that and living toward that and now looking back I know that I should have listened. No, it wasn't some internal whisper offering up some vague suggestion I was left to interpret. The offering was solid and concrete and completely of this world. It was him. Saying things outloud. Things like 'one day you'll get tired of me' and other such negatives. Me being the nauseating trooper I am (can I get an amen sister) first tried to rally him into a more positive thought process and then began moving toward clarification by telling him 'the ending you see is the end you will get' and then finally beginning to believe this thing just might not work. After all. My heart didn't break. It crackled and peeled. And pealed, plaintive like. It shed and unwraped. And gradually moved. Toward survival which meant away from him. And as I write I can still recall what drew me to him. How he made me laugh and feel safe. And how it felt when I first began to believe this just might not work. After all.
This rabbit began visiting me on a regular basis. She came up on my porch to receive whatever gift I'd offer. Turns out she loved peas and still does today. It appeared she was the neighborhood rabbit and many people already knew her. I recall being told she was a rabbit used by this boy's uncle to train the hunting dogs. I remember wondering if she ever got blase' about the whole process and couldn't imagine that much analysis on her part. I now know.
So I fed her and petted her and decided to call her Bunny Bunny because I didn't want to get too attached but I needed some way to get her attention. Turns out I needn't have worried. Rabbit is synonymous with attention and attached was to be. Not to be was never an option.